I Love Prison

This tattoo isn't new - I did it last year - but realised I hadn't posted about it directly before. I did it myself using a needle and thread and it took about 3 hours of patience to poke it in dot by dot. I was inspired by my 2 bibles: Home Made Tattoos Rule and the Russian Criminal Tattoo Encyclopaedia. I was originally going to pay tribute to the book by etching in "Home Made Tattoos Rule", then "Prison Tattoos Rule", before finally deciding on "I went to prison and all I got was this lousy tattoo". This entire thought process took me about 5 minutes. Half way through the first letter, I realised this would take forever to finish, so opted for "I <3 PRISON" instead. Here's a couple of pictures (probably not for the squeamish). I've been thinking recently that I think I'd quite like it in Prison; all the tattoos, and I hear you can get drugs easily in there. Then there's the free pool table. I could even brew some gut-rot moonshine under my bunk. I think I'd enjoy all the male banter and I get on well with most people so I don't think I'd get my head kicked in too often. I wouldn't get to have sex with any girls, but then again I don't get the chance in real life either. My mum reckons as I'm a pretty boy I'd probably get raped fairly regularly (these are the kind of conversations I have with my mum) - but I've seen Scum loads of times - and all you need to do is carry around a sock filled with billiard balls. If I was really lucky I'd get to share a cell with Gary Glitter.

Russian Criminal Tattoo

I've been doing too many home tattoos on myself lately (3 in the last week). I started this skull on my thigh ages ago, but stopped as it wasn't very good. Then a few days ago I decided to have another crack at it, so I added an oak leaf to it and started sharpening up the outline on the skull. I'm going to try and fix the crown and cigar next, before finishing the skull outline fully, and then lastly I'll try and add some shading. It was inspired by the Russian Criminal Tattoo Encyclopaedia by Sergey Vasiliev and Danzig Baldayev. The best thing about criminal tattoos - is that if they turn out to look shit - they still look authentic. In other unrelated news, this evening I managed to block up my bath plughole with my pubes.

Pirate Scar Tattoo

I've been a bit lazy with keeping this blog up-to-date recently, but that's only because I've been so busy. I did find some time to etch a couple of new tattoos on myself though. I did them at midnight last Thursday. They are very simple designs - a pirate scar and a cross (This is England skinhead style) but I'm pleased with the results. I did the cross totally freehand, with no stencil. I used red ink - so the tattoos look ultra bloody - although really they're not.

How Not To Tattoo Yourself

So anyone reading this probably knows I'm a fan of the odd tattoo here and there, and that recently I've been doing a few of my own. The results have been mixed at best, but if you need a quick recap: Tom Fogarty - Tattoos More Dog Bites GG Allin Tattoo I was quite pleased with my last attempt (the GG Allin tribute) , but alas, it didn't last long. After just a few weeks it began to fade fast. This left me with 3 options: 1) Leave it to fade 2) Get a professional to sort it out 3) Have a second attempt myself. Anyone who knows me well, will know that I had to choose option 3 - even if I would end up making a total mess of it... I decided to try a coverup - a simple bomb design. My reasons were thus: 1) It reminded me of the Danger Mouse cartoon from my childhood 2) It reminded me of the Bob Ombs from Super Mario Bros. 3) It has significance in Russian criminal tattoo parlance 4) It would be easy to do. Well, I can say with certitude that it was a magnificent failure. Rather than improving my technique, this turned out to be a lesson in "how not to tattoo". If you can imagine an episode of Mr Bean, in which Mr Bean attempts to tattoo his heal, that would be pretty near the mark. At first my stool was too tall; I could only reach the pedal at a stretch. This made me knee jig up and down (and this was to be the surface on which I rested my heal while tattooing). I decided to sit on the floor instead. I then had to contort my body into a yoga-like pose to reach the spot. The kind of pose you'd have to get in to if you were to try and suck your own dick (not that I've tried of course - I wouldn't do that, honest...). Then the needle kept snagging in my skin. I shortened the length of the needle and changed the angle at which I was holding it. Then I ran out of ink. After refilling my cap, the tattoo machine stopped working altogether. The coil seemed to stop conducting electricity. Or something. I'll have to buy another bloody one now. So here are the (half-finished) results. If I could retract my actions  and have an unmarked foot - would I? No way! With the benefit of hindsight I can now say that my earlier attempts stayed in due to beginner's luck rather than raw ability. In my defence, however, I've since read this information: Yahoo Answers

Tattoo Me, Tattoo You…

Just a short one tonight/this morning. A random one. I love this clip. Blokes male-bonding. Not in a Jackass kind of way; no buggery involved here. Not tonight anyway. Bought a tattoo gun on ebay and away they go! They make tattooing look so easy, but in reality it's very difficult; maybe it's just beginner's luck. The best way I can describe it is that tattooing is a bit like trying to paint a watercolour with an electric toothbrush. Obviously, where I went wrong was not tattooing penises on bananas first... Watch and be inspired!

GG Allin Tattoo – Update

This tattoo didn't heal too well in the end. Some body parts have a tendency to reject ink, and the heal is one of those spots. I'm one of those blokes who always wears socks too; I just can't go around barefoot like some liberal hippie yoghurt eater. And that's not good for the healing process. I'm also one of those people that does a lot of walking (a bit like Jehovah's Witnesses or Ian Botham) which doesn't help! So after a week of walking around in my Dr Martin's, here's the results: I'll redo it in a couple of weeks, so hopefully the ink will stay in this time!

GG Allin Homemade Tattoo

I did this over Xmas. It looks a bit crap but I'm really pleased with it. It's a tribute to GG Allin, who had this tattoo on his chest. I spent longer doing this one than usual (nearly 10 minutes!), and the outline is smooth(ish) and thick. It's also an awkward and painful area to do, so I'm happy. Rock 'n' roll! Liam Sparkes also has this same tattoo - he did most of my stuff - and I hope he doesn't mind that I copied it. His version of the tattoo is really good though, and mine is not. GG Allin was a late 80s/early 90s punk rocker, who died of a heroin overdose. He used to perform naked on stage, and was covered in loads of crude homemade tattoos. He was was notorious for defecating on stage and smearing it over his body (and eating it too). He also used to cut his head open and attack everyone in the crowd. I was a big fan. There's a DVD documentary about him called Hated, that shows loads of footage of him on his last tour (he was on the run from the police at the time). There's a brilliant clip where a university asks him to address the student union as a guest speaker. He sticks a banana up his bum and throws chairs at the students till they flee in terror!