Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those grim online suicide notes – I’m still alive and well (or as well as can be expected for someone in the grip of severe nicotine withdrawal symptoms). Anyone who knows me will be aware that when it’s time for me to snuff it, I want to take as many people with me as possible – so you’re more likely to see my death announced on the news in conjunction with some mass killing spree in a shopping centre, than you are to see it featured in some glib blog post.
I’m talking about some other Tom Fogarty who died back in January, who I’m sure was a great man. I only found out about it because I was doing some “ego surfing” on Twitter and found this:
“R.I.P Tom Fogarty. Such a wonderful guy who will be missed”
At first I was quite shocked to find out that I’m dead and wondered how it had happened (à la Beetlejuice). Then I was fairly annoyed that I’ve still been buying an oyster card for the last 4 months, when really as a ghost you’d think I’d be entitled to free transport (like Patrick Swayze in that film, Ghost). Then finally, after rereading the Tweet a few times, I realised that it was not talking about me (the bit about him “being a wonderful guy” should have given it away earlier I suppose).
Next I assumed it was referring to Dr Tom Fogarty (that bloke who invented the Fogarty Balloon Catheter). I’ve moaned about him before for bumping me down in the Google search results, but not enough to wish the bloody man dead. Although the higher ranking would be good. In actual fact this sod has further pushed me down the rankings lately by opening a winery under the same name. I’m not too happy about that.
And neither was it the Tom Fogerty from Creedence Clearwater Revival (as he’s already dead).
Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to salute my dead homie, Tom Fogarty (whoever the fuck he is?). Just as long as he doesn’t push on to page 2 of the Google search index.
R.I.P in Valhalla you mighty warrior x