Stuff for Sale (and life update)

Been too busy to blog lately. Mainly because I’ve been spending long hours at work, and long hours at the pub. Not very interesting I’ll admit, but I did go to the launch of Skyn condoms a few weeks ago, posing as a journalist from Breaking Travel News. It was at Shoreditch House and very swanky it was too.

I also went to see a band called Bo Ningen at The Macbeth in Hoxton. Crazy music, and crazy-looking band. It was a fun night and the place was ram-packed with Japanese (my grandad would have thrown a fit).

I’ve also made a new friend at the pub – an ex-bank robber and convicted criminal called Ken the Magic. We smoke crack together.

Last but not least, I’m re-doing my website. Watch this space.

The main point of this post, however, is to raise some cash. I’m very skint at the moment. Seriously skint. Having just re-read Dandy in The Underworld by Sebastian Horsely, I briefly considered becoming a rent-boy – but that way leads to madness. Besides which, I’d starve to death.

Anyway, I have the following items up for grabs:

4 tickets for the Olympics. 2 tickets for a day of track and field, and 2 tickets for the semi finals of the boxing

2 Roland Garros paintings. Genuine collectors items, these. Go for quite a bit at auctions. Don’t ask where I got them from

A Ben Sherman shirt and jumper (never been worn and a bit too smart for the likes of me)

A silver rotary wristwatch – mint condition

A gold sovereign ring (I was born in Peckham and used to be a plastic gangster of sorts)

A Mesh Matrix dual-core Desktop PC with a flat screen

2 air guns. Actually, they’re replica guns – illegal to buy in the shops these days. Handy for committing muggings, rapes, bookie robberies etcetera

A small crate of absinthe. Not the shit that you can buy in pubs over here, this is imported Hungarian stuff – it’s 75% proof and will knock your head off. You’ll see spiders bursting out of the chimney and dead people in the bath.

A ton of American Region 1 Troma DVDs

Email me if you’re interested in any of the above. I really do need the money, thanks!




This is a personal website and the views expressed here are my own (or stolen from other people down the pub). Facts may not be accurate, or could be poorly paraphrased gags borrowed from proper writers - or simply, outright lies.