New Year’s Resolutions 2017

People usually make their New Year’s Resolutions in the first few days of January, but real life was put on hold for me at the beginning of 2017 as I was finishing a 4-week trip to South East Asia (sorry to brag). I’m usually pretty good at achieving my New Year targets – not due to high levels of dedication and motivation – but simply because I’m very stubborn. Also, I set incredibly easy resolutions (avoiding nigh on impossible targets such as “be a better person” or “have sex with a lady“).

Before I kick off my list of goals for the year ahead, here’s a quick recap of last year’s resolutions and how I got on: 1) Quit smoking. Finally managed to kick the habit, to the extent where I’ve since become of those annoying ex-smokers who is completely intolerant towards anyone else who still partakes in puffing away. 2) & 3) Go Straight Edge & Vegan for a month. I managed these (to a certain extent..) during January but didn’t continue any further; it’s a well known fact that blokes need a steady stream of red meat to keep their peckers up and when I became too weak to tie up my shoe laces unassisted, I knew it was time to get back on the bacon sandwiches. 4) Travel more. As mentioned above, I spent Christmas, my birthday and New Year traveling around Vietnam, Laos and Thailand. Sorted!

And now for my ambitions for 2017:

1. Lose the beer belly

In the last few years I’ve started to develop the dreaded paunch, and while I do appreciate the extra insulation, the “dad bod” is not for me. I realised long ago that I will never have a chiseled physique – mainly because I’m a lazy bastard – but even so, I’m not ready yet to be a lazy fat bastard. I aim to reduce the flab with a combination of better diet, more general exercise and less drinking. But I won’t be going to the gym. Fuck that.

2. Go on some small holidays

I’d like to do some smaller trips abroad this year, places I particularly want to see soon include Italy, Russia, Ireland, Iceland, Morocco and Poland. So I’ll probably end up going to Czech Republic instead.

3. Get a pinup tattoo

As I’m rapidly getting my body inked in, I really need to get a tattoo of a pinup girl before I run out of space altogether. Obviously this will need to be a naked pinup girl, so if anyone wants to send me some nudie selfies to base the picture on – that would be much appreciated!

4. Get an echo-friendly pet

I’ve wanted to get a pet for ages now, but due to the chronic lack of space in my home it’s just not feasible at the moment. As an alternative I’d like to get some sort of self-sufficient pet that I could keep in the back yard such as a wormery or a beehive. Hopefully, the bees would behave themselves and not start wreaking havoc and attacking people in the local area.

5. Find a new hobby

Snooker, rock climbing, swimming, drawing – something like that. Basically a new activity that is fun and doesn’t involve booze.

6. Write more

I would like to write a new blog post each month this year.


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