It’s been a couple of years since I last took part in Movember. Partly because I lead a hectic city lifestyle and I just don’t have the time to grow a ‘tache these days, but also because my last effort was so amazing that I don’t think it could be bettered (and it’s probably only fair to expect people to give you money in exchange for growing facial hair just once in your lifetime).
Still, being the selfless, public-spirited human being that you know and love – I’ve decided to come out of Mo-retirement, demonstrate my moustache-growing prowess once again and save a few lives. Besides, I’m not likely to be running any marathons any time soon.
Having tried various moustache styles in the past, ranging from the Charles Bronson handlebar, to the Nietzsche walrus (including the Mexican wraparound and the standard minge-tickler along the way) – the only real options available to me this year were the David Niven pencil moustache, the 70s porn star (think Ron Jeremy) – or Hitler. Given these choices, I’ve elected to go for the best of a band bunch and I’m currently attempting to grow a John Holmes circa 1978 Erotic Adventures of Candy lip rug, although so far I’ve only managed to make myself look like Fu Manchu.
So here’s the sales blurb: Movember has moved away from men’s testicles this year and is focussing on their brains instead (same difference you might think); raising awareness of the rising depression and suicide rates of young blokes in the UK. I’ve tried to keep the donation spam to a minimum this year – but you can follow my progress on my Instagram account and donate here:
This is a personal website and the views expressed here are my own (or stolen from other people down the pub). Facts may not be accurate, or could be poorly paraphrased gags borrowed from proper writers - or simply, outright lies.