October was a quiet month for me, so I decided to use my free time constructively and watched as many horror films as possible in the build up to Halloween. I’ve reviewed them here, because I’m a bit OCD like that (and a bit of a dirty fucking pagan).
Revenge of Billy The Kid
British horror film from the 80s about a farmer who shags a goat, that subsequently goes on to give birth to a mutant goat-human hybrid that kills everyone in brutal ways.
Brilliantly dark film noir from David Lynch about a musician who goes mental and murders his wife after seeing her shagging Marilyn Manson in a snuff porno film. The film also features Patricia Arquette’s massive, naked knockers bouncing around. Recommended!
Howard The Duck
A duck from outer space crash lands on earth and saves our planet from a smelly, rampaging demon. If that’s not mad enough, the duck then shags a human woman, adding bestiality into the mix for good measure.
Prince of Darkness
Alice Cooper becomes a zombie after the dark lord himself turns up from within a mirror in a church. Or something like that.
Savage film about a farm siege in the British countryside, following a vicious rape. Cheery stuff.
Return of The Living Dead
Funny zombie film from the late 80s. Good punk rock soundtrack too.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Classic and completely bonkers. Still packs a punch today even though this was made in the 70s.
Not of This Earth
Amazing alien movie starring former porn star, Traci Lords. And she gets them out too.
Big Trouble in Little China
Best. Film. Of. All. Time.
Nightmare on Elm Street 2 & 3
The best sequels in this creepy franchise. Part 2 has a kinky, gay S&M vibe, Part 3 is set in a nuthouse.
The Blob (remake)
Not about a bird on her period, but some alien goop that arrives on earth to kill us all.
Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, The Young Ones (Video Nasty episode) & Bottom (Halloween episode)
Funny horror-themes episodes of these cult TV shows.
Watch this film if you want to see a tramp explode a man’s head using the power of his mind.
Late wrestler, Rowdy Roddie Piper (late as in dead, as opposed to sleeping through his morning alarm), stars as a tramp who discovers an alien conspiracy that secretly controls America.
Kurt Russel on an Arctic research base burning everyone with a flamethrower as they become infected by an alien life form.
More killer tramps to keep you entertained.
Evil Dead & Evil Dead 2
The best zombie films of all time. Groovy.
A young girl get possessed by the devil and masturbates with a crucifix.
Among the many highlights here, a mad woman bashes her husband’s dick with a log then wanks him off till he ejaculates blood. Also, she cuts off her clit with scissors.
Tales From The Crypt
Classic British horror anthology.
I Spit on Your Grave (remake)
Absolute tripe. The original, however, is one of the best video nasties ever (but definitely not for the faint-hearted or easily-offended).
Night of The Demon
Another video nasty. Boring.
Zombie Flesh Eaters
Features a zombie fighting a shark and someone getting stabbed in the eyeball.
Toxic Avenger & Toxic Avenger 4
Funny and gory super hero series from Troma Studios.
Wacky Italian zombie movie, love it!
Another highly atmospheric film noir from David Lynch, but without Patricia Arquette’s boobs.
Slightly overrated in my opinion. Watch The blob or Not of This Earth instead.
Dr Terror House of Horrors
Another classic British horror anthology. A bit like they do in The Simpsons every Halloween.
Dark chiller about a murderous hitchhiker chasing a young lad around.
Jude Law and Jennifer Jason Leigh play virtual reality video games until they die. Actually much better than I’ve made it sound.
Dr Jekyll & Sister Hyde
Would have been better if there were more tits really.
Same as above. Shame…
The best slasher film of all time.