Horoscopes… (Horror Scope?)

I don’t usually bother with horoscopes as I think they’re nonsense. But that’s only because I’m a Capricorn and we’re very skeptical…

Had a look in a horoscope book recently, what with being 30 and all. It not only had a rundown of the all the signs, but it also analysed birth dates too. So what did it say about mine (28th December)?

As a Capricorn you are pragmatic and practical, but you rarely achieve anything because you are easily distracted.

You are a hard worker, and probably have trouble relaxing.

At times you prefer your own company, though you are very witty.

You have a quiet charm that draws people towards you, and makes you popular.

You have a long fuse, but a very bad temper when finally provoked.

You have a tendency to be mean.

You have a 9-inch willy.

Alright, I made the last one up.

Reads like something out of a psychiatrist’s report though, or maybe the profile of a character from Peep Show. Sounds like Capricorns are the star sign to hang around with then.

Obviously, I refute all of it.


Funny, Woe


This is a personal website and the views expressed here are my own (or stolen from other people down the pub). Facts may not be accurate, or could be poorly paraphrased gags borrowed from proper writers - or simply, outright lies.