Horoscopes… (Horror Scope?)

I don’t usually bother with horoscopes as I think they’re nonsense. But that’s only because I’m a Capricorn and we’re very skeptical…

Had a look in a horoscope book recently, what with being 30 and all. It not only had a rundown of the all the signs, but it also analysed birth dates too. So what did it say about mine (28th December)?

As a Capricorn you are pragmatic and practical, but you rarely achieve anything because you are easily distracted.

You are a hard worker, and probably have trouble relaxing.

At times you prefer your own company, though you are very witty.

You have a quiet charm that draws people towards you, and makes you popular.

You have a long fuse, but a very bad temper when finally provoked.

You have a tendency to be mean.

You have a 9-inch willy.

Alright, I made the last one up.

Reads like something out of a psychiatrist’s report though, or maybe the profile of a character from Peep Show. Sounds like Capricorns are the star sign to hang around with then.

Obviously, I refute all of it.