An Ode to Camberwell

April 18th, 2019

This month has been quite busy. Not busy enough to be of any use, however, as I found myself struggling to muster up a topic for this month’s blog...

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Tom Fogarty - QR Code

Young People are Idiots

March 26th, 2019

It’s a well known fact that young people are stupid. Idiots, in fact. And when I say “young people”, I mean anyone under the age of 35. You don’t...

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Tom’s Alternative New Year’s Resolutions 2019

January 12th, 2019

A couple of weeks back in early January, I laid down my plans for some new year’s resolutions I intend to follow throughout 2019 (and maybe beyond, depending on...

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Tom Fogarty on the razzle

List Mania 12: November Retox

November 6th, 2018

As an antidote to last month’s Stoptober malarkie, here’s an itinerary I’ve devised for you to follow during November. 1. Red wine. Halloween-themed. Sort of. Post-Samhain, the 1st of November...

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Hom Sweet Homme - by Tom Fogarty

Hom Sweet Homme

September 23rd, 2018

My blog always suffers during the summer, and with this in mind I find myself under considerable pressure this month to write something good. It is usually at these...

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Chinese Opium Den

Turning Japanese

July 1st, 2018

I’d like to apologise in advance for the jingoist nature of this post. I also realise that the people in the photo above are Chinese rather than Japanese*. You’ve...

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New Year’s Resolutions 2018

January 5th, 2018

So, it’s just over a year since I didn’t become a better person, which means it must be that time again when I set out my goals for the...

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Tom Fogarty: 2017 in Review

2017 in Review

December 27th, 2017

Here’s my very short review of the year; it won’t feature anything topical such as current affairs or any noteworthy news items, it will just be about me and...

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Yule Tide

Tom Fog’s Xmas Wish List 2017

December 20th, 2017

World peace. Not because I especially want to make the world a better and more harmonious place; I just want a bit of peace and quiet, without idiots getting...

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Woevember - Tom Fogarty

Movember Woe

November 29th, 2017

I spent most of November trying to grow a moustache for Movember, which has become the norm for me at this time of the year but it didn’t go...

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Tom Fogarty's Wad

Tax That!

October 11th, 2017

In these times of political change, it is uncertain what the future has in store for Britain financially and politically. Will Brexit lead to a stronger economic stability down...

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Tom Fogarty - Stress

Tom’s Guide to Dealing with Stress

September 10th, 2017

Modern life can be stressful for all manner of reasons – work, money, bills, relationships, housing etcetera. At times we can all get down about these common pressures –...

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Ouija Board - by Tom Fogarty

Tom’s Guide to SEO

August 10th, 2017

SEO stands for Search Engine Optimisation and is a way of fine-tuning your website’s content so that it appears higher in the search engine results when people browse for...

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Tom Fogarty - Lip Tattoo

Even Tattoos Fade (so don’t get lippy)

May 17th, 2017

Apart from dating and the very occasional one-night stand, I’ve not had a proper girlfriend for about 8 years (a period of time that has slipped by alarmingly quickly)....

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The Return of The Gary Glitter Twitter Bot

April 26th, 2017

“Hello, hello! It’s good to be back, it’s good to be back!” First off, the obligatory disclaimer: I am not a nonce and I do not condone kiddie-fiddling. Gary...

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Tom’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

February 13th, 2017

With VD just around the corner (or as it is also sometimes known, Valentine’s Day), I thought I’d take the opportunity to pass on some of my vast dating...

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New Year’s Resolutions 2017

January 22nd, 2017

People usually make their New Year’s Resolutions in the first few days of January, but real life was put on hold for me at the beginning of 2017 as...

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Tom Fogarty & Aladdin

2016 in Review (or why you shouldn’t wax your balls at home)

December 5th, 2016

I usually write a roundup of my shit life at the end of each year, and this time I’m doing it slightly earlier than usual as I’m buggering off...

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Tom’s Top Halloween Jokes

October 19th, 2016

With Halloween just around the corner, I thought it might be nice to share with you some of my favourite Halloween jokes you can play this year. Fun for...

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Happy Birthday Tom Fog: Part 2

January 17th, 2016

As previously mentioned, my birthday this year was somewhat overshadowed by the sudden death of rock legend, Lemmy. Following suit, David Bowie decided to drop down dead a few...

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Tom Fogarty in Hackney, East London

2015 in Review

December 20th, 2015

(or to be more accurate, My Shit Life in 2015) It’s that time of year again when I like to look back and assess my achievements over the past...

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Tom Fogarty - Tight Trousers

As Old As Gold

November 7th, 2015

“Too old to Rock ‘n’ Roll, too young to die” sang Jethro Tull (the prog-rock singer, not the rotational crop farmer and inventor of the seed drill). Well I...

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Wrong Tom

August 30th, 2015

As is very often the way with my blog posts, this one starts with the line, “I was in the pub the other night…“. And as is also too...

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The Curse of Count Macula

July 8th, 2015

I’m a man of simple tastes and sensibilities. I like what I like and I know which way my butter is sliced, and this is why my incoming Instagram...

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Tom Fogarty & Jane

Tom Fog is Easy to Draw

November 9th, 2013

Being a bespectacled baldie I’ve always been incredibly easy to caricature (I basically look like a potato from Lidl). Taking this into account, I thought I’d share some of...

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List Mania 8: Things To Do With a 3D Printer

June 23rd, 2013

3D printers are all the rage at the moment (apparently) – although I’ve yet to meet anyone who actually has one. In any event, I thought I’d spend a...

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Tom Fogarty - Preparing Scallops

Being Famous

January 20th, 2013

I thought it might be nice to write a brief and modest blog post, highlighting some of my many achievements. Being a humble man, I won’t dwell on any...

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Dance! Dance! Dance!

November 4th, 2012

Back when I worked for the charity DM agency, Whitewater, a few of the team were roped in to making this comedy dance video. It was for someone’s leaving...

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My Shit Life So Far

October 31st, 2012

It’s 1.55am as I type this. It is Tuesday and I have to be up for work in a few hours. It is also Halloween. I borrowed the title...

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Hate Mail

October 7th, 2012

I remember ages ago someone gave me this advice about websites: when you set up your own site, at first people will ignore it, then your friends will like...

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Shitballs Weekend

June 28th, 2012

I’ve not been going out much lately. This is partly due to me trying to cut down on my drinking (but more about that in another blog post next...

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June 23rd, 2012

I’ve never been into horoscopes and astrology, in fact I think it’s a load of old bollocks. (I’m a Capricorn after all, and we’re very skeptical). That said, I’ve...

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Annoying Facebook Friends

May 1st, 2012

Recently a friend of mine – Natalie – shared this link, listing “10 annoying Facebook friends everyone has”. It’s very funny and also, scarily accurate. I’m not sure which...

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Lucozade Bakake

Lucozade Bukake

February 5th, 2012

A couple of months ago a work colleague showed me a picture at his Macbook. He was on the Lucozade website (no idea why), where they have a page...

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I Love Primark

January 22nd, 2012

Had to go out clothes shopping yesterday, and I hate clothes shopping. That’s why I go around dressed like a complete tramp most of the time. I also hate...

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Ted Hankey the Christmas Poo (and his tattoo)

January 15th, 2012

Yesterday, flabby bald darts cunt, Ted Hankey, got knocked out of the BDO semi-finals, complaining about the air conditioning. Well he should try playing a game in our office...

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The Pussy Cat Song

December 3rd, 2011

I like cats, me. I also like innuendo, but I’ve always found the phrase “pussy” to be a bit crass. That’s why I tend to say “minge” instead. This...

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Stewart Lee

November 20th, 2011

I went to see Stewart Lee doing stand up comedy at the Leicester Square Theatre tonight. I didn’t have to pay for the tickets – they were donated to...

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Tom Fogarty Poem

October 30th, 2011

I’ve had some dark days (and nights) recently, and I don’t want this to turn in to some dreary emo/gothic blog. So with that in mind, I’m going to...

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October 18th, 2011

Testicles! Good word that, one of my favourites. So good in fact, that I’ve decided to raise money for men’s balls. Well, testicular cancer to be precise. Regular readers...

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Brixton Bastards and Electric Wizard

October 11th, 2011

It’s been a while, but I don’t want you to forget me – so here I am blogging. I still don’t have internet access at home, so I’m sitting...

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Pedro the Porn Star Cat

September 24th, 2011

While innocently browsing the internet the other day, I came across this video (pun not intended). It had a lovely title like Do Your Homework or I will Stop...

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September 17th, 2011

Not blogged in over a week. This is partly because there is lots going on, and there is nothing going on (any paraphrasing of Dickens’ Tale of Two Cities...

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August 24th, 2011

A while back I posted an appeal on here for help choosing a new text-based tattoo. And so about a month ago I got it done. I decided to...

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August 21st, 2011

I’ve not been blogging much lately, mainly because of long hours in the office, and long hours in the pub – but I will try to put that right...

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The Camera Never Lies

June 15th, 2011

Everyone wants to be a looker, but some of us aren’t. Some of us are lucky, and can make up for it with banter and comedy – but the...

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I Don’t Like Cake!

May 19th, 2011

As you may  or may not know, I work for a digital agency who specialise in building websites and creating marketing campaigns for charities. As you can imagine, the...

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Art Makes You Mad

May 14th, 2011

Everyone knows that some sad and tormented souls have been driven to create art through the years – Van Gough, Lautrec, Bacon et al. But that’s nothing compared to...

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Osama Bin Laden Dead – FBI Most Wanted List Updated

May 2nd, 2011

The breaking news today is that Osama Bin Laden has been killed by US troops, some 10 years after the search for him began. This follows the huge worldwide...

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The Evolution of Nicolas Cage’s Hair

May 1st, 2011

A while ago I shared a YouTube clip montage of Nicolas Cage going mental: Here’s a new one I found recently called The Evolution of Nicolas Cage’s Hair...

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