I went into a bookies yesterday and put a bet on a horse. It was the first time I’d done this and it was like one of those rights of passage in to manhood situations. Like the first time you go into a pub, or a tattoo shop, or a brothel. n.b brothel is a joke – I’ve never been to a brothel (yet!).

I’ve made bets before – but only online – and only things where I actually had an idea about the sport i.e boxing, snooker, darts etcetera.

I have no idea whatsoever about horse racing, but a mate gave me a hot tip – Tidal Bay in the Cheltenham Gold Cup, 18-1. I decided to put £10 on.

The walls of the betting shop was full of charts of weird numbers – I pretended to study them for a bit, but it might as well have been in hieroglyphics as far as I was concerned.

In the end I just went up to counter and said to the girl working there, “Excuse me, I’ve never put a bet on before – I just want to put a tenner each way on Tidal Bay in the Gold Cup please?“. No awkwardness in that statement whatsoever.

Well just write that down on that bit of paper then“,  she said. Simple as that.

The horse finished nowhere.


Funny, London Life


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