Here in the UK, we are at the end of week 10 of lockdown and I have recently sensed a shift in attitude. In the early days of our self-exile, many were relentlessly trying to show how they were using their lockdown times in a productive and creative way. Although in reality, as discussed in a previous post (People Just Do Nothing), most of these efforts managed to fulfil neither of those objectives. For example, there was evidently loads of feverish crocheting going on, but I don’t think I’ve seen a single completed, wearable garment produced yet. Plus the swathe of people demonstrating there sourdough-making abilities, just led to the flour shortage we are currently in. And whilst a dignified and quiet pensioner – at the age of 100 no less – managed to raise more than £15m for the NHS by completing laps of his garden, everyone else thinks it’s better to go outside and make a noisy fucking racket for 5 minutes every Thursday evening instead.
These people are basically celebrating their own existence by annoying everyone else, but luckily this seems to be on the wane now. Whereas previously people were keen to show how efficacious they could be, they have now simply resorted to sharing lists.
Not well thought out lists mind you; lists that have purpose and a sensible ranking order. No, no, no – that would be far too much like hard work and some sort of thought process would have to be involved. These lists are always caveated with the disclaimer: “in no particular order“.
What is the point of that then exactly? Is chart music assembled in no particular order? Do they hand out medals at the Olympics is no particular order?
Furthermore, they never contain any review or explanation as to why they have been included; sometimes they do not even include the bloody titles. Again I stress, no one cares that you are sharing 10 albums/book covers/film scenes etcetera – unless you can justify it. No one wants to see a picture of Meat is Murder out of context. It simply becomes an exercise in showing off again. “Look how eclectic and obscure my tastes are, aren’t I clever?“.
Well actually, no you’re not, mate. Please stop spamming me with your pretentious, meaningless checklists of toss.
As a longtime maker of lists (a compulsion that helps keep my chaotic brain in order before bedtime) – I can attest that they are good for 2 things only:
2. Keeping track of celebrity paedophiles
Lastly, in case you are wondering, the 8 albums featured in the banner above are:
Hated in The Nation – GG Allin
Transylvanian Hunger – Darkthrone
Gary Glitter – 25 Years of Hits
The Doors – The Doors
The Damned – The Damned
Dawn of The Black Hearts (bootleg) – Mayhem
I Should Coco – Supergrass
Filosofem – Burzum
(My current favourite albums, ranked in order of preference)
Categories:Lists, London Life, Woe
This is a personal website and the views expressed here are my own (or stolen from other people down the pub). Facts may not be accurate, or could be poorly paraphrased gags borrowed from proper writers - or simply, outright lies.