List Mania 2: Porno Titles

Following on from Last Monday’s List Mania, here is my list of imaginary porno titles. The only rules were 1. They had to be made up 2. They had to make me smile. Sorry if the use of English slang makes no sense!

I got a bit carried away though and did a Top 70 (maybe I have too much time on my hands, or maybe I’m in the wrong line of work)…

Plastic Ganster Sex

Sexpests on the Pull

Pervalert!

Charity Shags

Doing It in the Zoo aka Monkeyspunk

Spastic Sex

Irish Navvies: On Site All Night

Jesus Christ: Porno Star

Helium Sex

Don’t Let Hoff Put You Off! (sex scenes surrounded by cardboard cutouts of David Hasselhoff, with Knightrider theme)

Cemetery Sex (We’ve all done it once, right kids?)

Star Trek Sex

Muscley Birds Take It Up the Arse

Jewish Princesses (Try a Sausage)

Naughty Nuns, Pervy Priests & Viagra for Vicar

Disabled Sex

Make Mine a Pint… of the White Stuff!

Golly! Gimp Gravy!

Kinky Afro Sailor: Try To Nail Her

Carpet Burns? You Never Learn!

Up the Bum, Filthy Hun! (Who Won the War Anyway?)

Tina Turner’s Nutbush City Limits

Mitchel Brothers: Secret Lovers (gay Eastenders parody)

Fuck Me Till I Fart

Anally Retentive Oxford Dons: Cramming

ASBO Ho – On The Go!

Lock Up Your Mum, Here I Come!

Four-Tissue Frenzy

Amputees: Out On a Limb to Get Laid

Amputees 2: Wear Me Like a Glove!

Amputees 3: One-Armed Bandit

Posh Birds: Well-Cashed, Well-Stacked – In the Sack!

Sex On the Loo, Whilst Doing a Poo!

Painting With Tampons: Picasso’s Red Period

Third Division: Rectum Rovers

One Up the Bum, No Harm Done

I’m Not Gay… But Let’s Try It This Way!

Gypsy Buggers

Scally Wanks

What a State, Glass Plate!  (Got glass-plating from John Waters)

Built Like a Tripod – Midget Sex

I Can’t Hear – What’s in My Ear?

Worth a Try – In The Eye!

Here Goes – Up the Nose!

In the Face – No Disgrace

Hello Roger, Nice Todger!

Hung Like a Donkey – Slighty Wonky

Vacuum Cleaner Lust

Happy Hour: Golden Shower

Dogging with Bill Oddie

Midnight Walks with George Michael

Homosexual Homeboys – Gays in the Ghetto

Let’s Be Friends, Let’s Switch Ends!

On the Pitch, Suck It Bitch!

Do I Taste Like Chicken?

Nice and Drunk? Time For Spunk!

Man-Boob Tit Wanks

Don’t Be a Lemon, Try These Melons

Sloppy Seconds: Wait Your Turn

Arse Bandits: The Great Sperm Bank Robbery

Jihad Jizz Lips

The Velcro Effect: Bearded Ladies

Shaving Rash: My Gash

Going Solo: Sex With Myself

Not For Queers, Spanial’s Ears

Battle of the Sexes: Lady-Boys Vs. Geezer-Birds

Liberated Lesbians – Burn Bras and Suck Cock!

Student Shags: I Can’t be Arsed

Dirty Hippies: Ban the Bum!

Very Big Hands… Could Be a Man’s (transvestites)

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