New Year’s Resolutions for 2014

Most people make their New Year’s resolutions on 1st of January, don’t they? Well not this cat. Mainly because I was in Thailand on that date, but also because I’m somewhat bone idle. I’ve been back in London for 2 weeks now, but wisely I’ve been using that time to be thoroughly depressed and mope around in a vaste vat of apathy and disappointment. So now, almost a month into the new year – I present to you my key goals for the next 11 months:

  1. Sleep with a girl
    Not much of a surprise, this one. In fact it’s been on my list every year since around 1992. Never happens though.
  2. Go on holiday
    I’ve now caught the travelling bug so I’m eager to explore some more adventurous places. Cambodia would be good. I also want to get back to Thailand as soon as possible and check out Chiang Mai. Maybe I’ll manage to make it to Wat Bang Phra this time and get a tattoo off a funky monk.
  3. Get my leg tattoo finished
    I’m about halfway through a full leg tattoo by the awesome tattooist, Calypso Saga. I’m dead keen to have this completed (then on to the next!).
  4. Go swimming
    I’ve been talking about this for ages but it’s one of those bloody things I never get round to. It’d be a good way to keep fit and I might actually even enjoy it. Maybe.
  5. Learn to drum
    Same as above really; it’s something I’ve always been keen to try. It would also give me something to keep my spazzy hands occupied (besides wanking).
  6. Save some money
    Because I spunk too much of it up the wall and everybody knows that the best things in life are really really expensive.
  7. Stay out of the pub
    Most of my money seems to disappear in boozers, so in order to achieve No.6 – I’ll have to cut down on my liquid intake.
  8. Do the Lottery
    I’ve never actually done the Lottery. Not even once. The only reason this is on my list is because I’m sure I won’t be able to manage No.7, meaning that I’ll have to win the Lottery in order to stash some cash.
  9. Heal the world
    If I get through that lot, I also intend to sort out world peace and put an end to famine in the third world. This one’s a low priority though.

Happy New Year!

2 Comments

  1. Ed Millihand

    1. Get a Megalolz tattoo done by Woody.
    2. Start a far-right boyband and enter X-Factor.
    3. Star in a scat movie featuring underage animals
    4. Go felching at least twice a week
    5. Give up work and start an adult baby nursery
    6. Visit Anders Breivik
    7. Get Woody to do a full-back Anders Breivik mural

  2. Ed Millihand

    Forgot to include Ken:
    8. Spit roast a black roly poly with Ken the Magic
    9. Give Ken fifty quid and a bit of puff to perform at a kid’s party.
    10. Go on a squashing road trip across America with Ken

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