I Don’t Like Cake!

As you may  or may not know, I work for a digital agency who specialise in building websites and creating marketing campaigns for charities. As you can imagine, the kind of individuals who are drawn to work in this kind of environment are bubbly, positive-thinking egregious types. And on the odd occasion – albeit very seldom – they are moody bastards (just like me).

Fundraising emails go round the office on a regular basis – passing on good news and humorous titbits – and generally trying to think of new and fun ways to raise money.

Well balls, I say!

This week emails have been going  round informing us that everyone must bake a cake for tomorrow. Those who do not will have to pay a forfeit etcetera – ritual humiliation, no doubt.

So tonight, under duress, I made a cake for the office. And then pissed all over it.

That’s a lie: I didn’t really wee on it (although I did think about it). I did, however, make a cake. Luckily, I’m as good at baking cakes as I am at building websites.

My main aims were: must be easy, must be quick, must be cheap, must be revolting.

Instructions:

Melt some chocolate in a microwave for 3 minutes

Mix rice crispies in to the chocolate

Spoon it onto a tray lined with tracing paper/tattoo paper (I have no grease-proof baking paper)

Stick this in the fridge till it sets. Ideally, so that it looks dog shit.

The great thing about this recipe is that the whole thing only takes 5 minutes to prepare. In the morning – when I see their alarmed faces – I intend to keep a dead straight face and tell them that it took me 4 hours.

They’re lucky I didn’t make them a spunk sandwich. Let them eat cake…

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