Animal House

One of my favourite films of all time, that.

Anyway, I’d really like to get a pet. Been thinking about it for ages – I know I really shouldn’t; I can’t afford it and I’m out of the flat far too much – but even so, I want to.

This is the first time I’ve lived without an animal companion. Even at university I had my cat, Rosie. Before that I had other cats, rats, tropical fish, a terrapin and a rabbit (that got eaten by foxes!), and my monkey sidekick, Pedro. I made the last one up.

Where I live now, quite a lot of my neighbours have cats; it’s completely safe for them because there’s a communal garden/courtyard-type thing – totally enclosed – so that can’t get runover etcetera.

As I type this, there’s a cat called Tigger running round and round in the garden now. He’s making all the bushes rustle in the dark and I can hear his bell continuously jingling. His owner keeps calling him but he refuses to go in. Little bastard.

If I leave my frontdoor open for too long while I’m carrying shopping in or something, a cat will usually wander in and stand there staring at me. A certain cat does that regulary, and when he turns round disdainfully to leave, I catch a glimpse of his massive hairy balls.

If I had a cat I think I’d have him “done” though; it stops them messing around all the time by making them less sexually frustrated, and generally makes them more manageable around the house (and happier beings). Sometimes I think I should be “done” for exactly the same reasons.

I wouldn’t be able to have a catflap where I live, so I’d have to lock the cat either inside or outside all day, and I don’t think that’s very fair. I could leave my window open (I trust my neighbours), but then I’d find all the cats inside my flat when I got home. Probably watching telly and drinking my Scotch.

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