26 May, 2012

Up and Running Again

Filed under: Announcements, London Life, Woe — Tags: , , — spiderwebdesign @ 23:33

I’ve not had time to post on here recently, mainly because the last few weeks have been very hectic – so here’s a quick update on what I’ve been up to:

About 4 weeks ago the agency that I work for, Whitewater, went into liquidation. We had no warning beforehand and it was a pretty stressful and manic time. Wisely, I used alcohol as crutch during this time. You can read more about the demise of Whitewater here if you so wish.

Luckily, I managed to find a new job within 2 weeks with a digital marketing agency in Soho. I started a fortnight ago and I’m really happy there (although I’m still getting used to the workload and heavy schedule). Some of our clients include Friends of The Earth, The British Heart Foundation, RSPCA and The Royal British Legion (plus lots of non-charity companies).

Although I’ve been very poor for a month, scrimping and saving and whatnot while I wait for my first packet of wages – I did a bit of freelance work to tide me over. I also had the pleasure of signing-on at the salubrious Peckham Job Centre for 2 weeks. I found that everything is free when you’re on the dole, so I treated myself to a free checkup at the dentist, as well as an eye-test. I also got myself some swanky new glasses like Elton John/Timmy Mallet.

I’m booked in to get a groovy new tattoo with the lovely and highly-talented Calypso in July, which I’m really excited about. And it also means I’ll be able to cross another one off my list. I’ll post pictures when it’s done, no doubt.

For fun, I’ve mainly been drinking heavily, and I went to a couple of all-nighters at The Prince Charles Cinema which were both really fun nights. I received my Olympics 2012 boxing tickets today, so I have that to look forward to in just over a month as well.

I’ve been working on a complete revamp of this very website, which should be live in the next few weeks, fingers crossed.

And finally, in another groundbreaking announcement, I’ve swapped smoking Drum tobacco for B&H, as I found I was getting a bit throaty and my fingers were becoming a lurid shade of orange.

4 May, 2012

Sit on MySpace!

Filed under: Social Media, Web Design — spiderwebdesign @ 20:18

Who remembers Myspace? Does anyone even use it these days? I must confess that I really used to enjoy Myspace – I preferred it much more than Facebook in fact.

The main reason for this, was that it allowed users to edit the html/css – so in effect, everyone’s profile became a personal website of sorts. The downside of this was that some people made some shocking pages, complete with dancing bananas and tinny annoying music (but no one should hold this again me – I had to learn to code somewhere).

Another dodgy issue was the way in which teenage girls used to flaunt themselves, posing for profile pictures in their underwear etcetera – but is this really a negative point? I suppose I’ve always had a dodgy outlook in some respects…

I’ve recently enjoyed using Facebook more than I ever did, and this is because of the new timeline layout and features – especially the timeline covers – all of which are akin to Myspace in my humble opinion.

Another reason for being a a fan of Myspace, was that it was public and it  encouraged it’s users to make friends. This is the total opposite of Facebook, which is private and aloof in it’s approach to social networking, although remains a popularity, nonetheless. The privacy of Facebook is probably reassuring to the parents of them teenage girls, mind; especially with people like me lurking about!

Another great thing about Myspace was the way in which it enabled bands, artists and tattooists to build up a fanbase and interact with them directly. Public sharing was commonplace, which I think is no bad thing.

For anyone who’s interested, here my Myspace profile (which I’ve always kept, just for posterity): www.myspace.com/spiderwebdezign

And while we’re at it, here’s my Bebo too: http://bit.ly/Kmz2gX

1 May, 2012

Annoying Facebook Friends

Filed under: Funny Stories, List Mania!, Social Media — Tags: , , — spiderwebdesign @ 18:20

Recently a friend of mine – Natalie – shared this link, listing “10 annoying Facebook friends everyone has”. It’s very funny and also, scarily accurate. I’m not sure which category I would fall into; either The Complainer, The Oversharer, or The Self Promoter – most probably.

Natalie posted this linked via Facebook, obviously, and it’s well worth having a read:

www.mandatory.com/2012/04/05/10-annoying-facebook-friends-everyone-has

Thinking about the article, here are a few more Facebook friend types that I would like to add to the list:

  1. The Troll – uses Facebook merely as a means to annoy friends and people around them; posting things that are offensive and replying to wall threads in an antagonizing manner. This type quite possibly sums me up better than any other, especially when drunk.
  2. The Loler - replies to every post with acronyms that no one else understands, such as “LOL”, “PMSL” or “ROFL”. Usually female, and frequently signs off with several rows of kisses XXXXXXXXXX
  3. The Comedian – status updates consist of jokes they have copied & pasted from other sites. Comedians tend to be very unfunny in real life, and will probably commit suicide one day.
  4. The Lurker - these are the friends from your past – not seen in years – who suddenly add you as a friend out of the blue. They then remain silent if any attempt is made to subsequently communicate with them. Probably chronic masturbators in hunt of Ibiza 2008 bikini holidays snaps. Or simply they are “friend collectors”.
  5. The Shocker – very similar to The Oversharer in the link posted above, these are the friends who post lurid statements about their sexual activity, drug intake, or other inappropriate behaviour. Regularly swear too. I could easily fit into this camp as well. Again, especially when drunk.

6 April, 2012

Sebastian Horsley Crucifixtion

Filed under: Art, Video — Tags: , , — spiderwebdesign @ 15:37

Because it’s Easter I’d thought I’d share this youtube clip of the artist, Sebastian Horsley, being crucified.

The video is totally real and quite unnerving, although you don’t actually see any blood. He doesn’t shout out when the nails through his hands, which means he must of had quite a high pain threshold – or been totally off his tits on smack at the time (both are equally likely).

There is also a clip on youtube of the cross breaking and him fall off – again, not planned – and is even more disturbing. Or funny. Depending on your point of view.

It was filmed as a sort of art installation and Horsley had wanted to call it: “Is There a God? Or Am I Too Fat? ”

And as Horsley said himself:

“I have to say, Easter never really meant anything to me. That season when we remind each other of the judicial murder of a Jewish revolutionary two thousand years ago by distributing chocolate eggs to the children of people we dislike.”

So Happy Easter everyone!

20 March, 2012

The Sebastian Horsley Guide to Whoring

Filed under: Books, Video — Tags: , , — spiderwebdesign @ 22:36

I re-read one of my favourite books last week, Dandy in The Underworld by Sebastian Horsley. I first read the book a few years ago, and was so taken by it that I promptly went out a got a tattoo for Horsley when he died.

http://tomfogarty.com/blog/soho-tattoo

Horsley was a self-styled dandy, an artist and a massive smack head. During his career he had himself crucified out in the Philippines. Real nails through the palms and everything. He also slept with over a 1000 prostitutes.

I was slightly trepidatious before reading the book again – just in case it wasn’t as good the second time – but I’m glad to say I enjoyed it just as much. It’s probably the most funny thing I’ve ever read – one of those books where almost every line is quotable, and makes you want to steal from it and pass it off as your own. Very handy for obsessive twitter users like myself.

To finish, here’s a video of Horsley from youtube. It called The Sebastian Horsley Guide to Whoring and it’s well worth watching:

18 March, 2012

Stuff for Sale (and life update)

Filed under: Announcements — Tags: , , , , , — spiderwebdesign @ 13:10

Been too busy to blog lately. Mainly because I’ve been spending long hours at work, and long hours at the pub. Not very interesting I’ll admit, but I did go to the launch of Skyn condoms a few weeks ago, posing as a journalist from Breaking Travel News. It was at Shoreditch House and very swanky it was too.

I also went to see a band called Bo Ningen at The Macbeth in Hoxton. Crazy music, and crazy-looking band. It was a fun night and the place was ram-packed with Japanese (my grandad would have thrown a fit).

I’ve also made a new friend at the pub – an ex-bank robber and convicted criminal called Ken the Magic. We smoke crack together.

Last but not least, I’m re-doing my website. Watch this space.

The main point of this post, however, is to raise some cash. I’m very skint at the moment. Seriously skint. Having just re-read Dandy in The Underworld by Sebastian Horsely, I briefly considered becoming a rent-boy – but that way leads to madness. Besides which, I’d starve to death.

Anyway, I have the following items up for grabs:

  • 4 tickets for the Olympics. 2 tickets for a day of track and field, and 2 tickets for the semi finals of the boxing
  • 2 Roland Garros paintings. Genuine collectors items, these. Go for quite a bit at auctions. Don’t ask where I got them from
  • A Ben Sherman shirt and jumper (never been worn and a bit too smart for the likes of me)
  • A silver rotary wristwatch – mint condition
  • A gold sovereign ring (I was born in Peckham and used to be a plastic gangster of sorts)
  • A Mesh Matrix dual-core Desktop PC with a flat screen
  • 2 air guns. Actually, they’re replica guns – illegal to buy in the shops these days. Handy for committing muggings, rapes, bookie robberies etcetera
  • A small crate of absinthe. Not the shit that you can buy in pubs over here, this is imported Hungarian stuff – it’s 75% proof and will knock your head off. You’ll see spiders bursting out of the chimney and dead people in the bath.
  • A ton of American Region 1 Troma DVDs

Email me if you’re interested in any of the above. I really do need the money, thanks!

11 March, 2012

How to Get On Pinterest

Filed under: Art, Photos, Web Development — Tags: , , , — spiderwebdesign @ 12:41

The current social media buzz is all about Pinterest. It’s working on an invite only basis at the moment, but you can also send a request directly to Pinterest and go on their invites waiting list.

So what is Pinterest? Quite simply, it’s a virtual pin board where you can save your favourite images. You can organise the pictures into categories. And that’s about it. Sounds shit but I must admit, I do sort of like the idea though.

How can you get onto Pinterest? As mentioned before, you can send a request to the site itself. This takes about a week. I know this as I applied last weekend and got an invite today (even though I was already a member, through sneaking in via other means…).

The other way (and this is the real way I got in), is to pester your mates. Every Pinterest user can invite an unlimited amount of friends to join. Surely you must know someone who’s already on there? You can also plead and beg on social networking platforms – facebook, twitter, Google+ etc. I had to resort to this method as well, seeing as I don’t have any real flesh and blood friends.

If anyone wants to get an invite – just drop me an email – I’m happy to send out invites (even to complete strangers, yo).

I quite like the experience so far – the interface is clean and intuitive – although from what I’ve seen so far, you can’t rearrange your pictures manually after pinning them to your board.

My main gripe with the site is when you join up it warns you to “be nice” and “no nudity”. Which pretty much pisses my original intentions up the wall. (My first Pinterest board was to be a massive wall of tits).

I’m also a bit confused on the true purpose of Pinterest; should it be used to house a collection of images – where each board has a high visual impact? Should it be used as an influence map? Or should it be used as a collection related images that links back to other interesting sites and articles on the internet?

With that in mind, my first board is somewhat limited by comparison: http://pinterest.com/spiderwebdesign/icons

1 March, 2012

Pop Goes the Weasel

Filed under: London Life — Tags: , , , , — spiderwebdesign @ 21:47

There’s a pub I go to, 2 doors down from where I work. It’s called The Eagle and it’s in Shoreditch. I spend most of my money there. I was quite pleased today to find out that the old nursery rhyme, Pop Goes the Weasel, references this pub (along with the City Road, which leads to it). Strange what you find out in the pub isn’t it?

A couple of years ago I found out the street where I used to work (Laystall Street in Clerkenwell) – was so-called because people used to go there to take a crap i.e lay stools. And Peter Ackroyd said that in a book, so it must be true. I love that about London.

http://tomfogarty.com/blog/worked-shit-street

Anyway, here’s the nursery rhyme:

Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
That’s the way the money goes,
Pop goes the weasel.

Up and down the City road,
In and out the Eagle,
That’s the way the money goes,
Pop goes the weasel.

Every night when I go out
the monkey’s on the table.
Take a stick and knock it off
Pop goes the weasel.

A penny for a ball of thread
Another for a needle,
That’s the way the money goes,
pop goes the weasel.

All around the cobblers bench
the monkey chased the people;
The donkey thought ’twas all in fun,
pop goes the weasel.

11 February, 2012

Dark Arts

Filed under: London Life, Photos — Tags: , , , , , — spiderwebdesign @ 14:34

This is a bit late (but only by about 9 months), so I thought I’d share it anyway.

Back in June I went to the Modern Panic Exhibition. It was held at The Old Abattoir in Clerkenwell, and featured some very creepy pieces. Some of the artists included tattooist Alex Binnie, and “Britain’s mosts dangerous prisoner“, Charles Bronson. The atmosphere of the surroundings really enhanced the work on display, and I felt genuinely uneasy as I was walking around. It was probably the best exhibition I’ve ever attended (my previous favourite being the Sensations exhibition back in the 90s, featuring Damien Hirst, Tracy Emin et al).

A while back I was banging on on here about getting an exhibition together called Dark Side. Well nothing I could throw together could ever be as interesting or well executed as this, so I’m knocking that idea on the head!

I remember a few years ago I went to the Francis Bacon exhibition at Tate Britain; I took the Chinese bit of fluff that I was seeing at the time. I really enjoyed it, but she was completely appalled by the disturbing scenes of twisted faces, mutilated animals and crippled infants. This surprised me a lot as I thought that was the kind of stuff they normally eat for dinner? Surprisingly, we were only going out for a short time – but even in that short time, I’ll never forgive her for not giving me a blowjob.

Anyway, enjoy the art:

5 February, 2012

Lucozade Bukake

Filed under: Funny Stories, Smut/Filth — Tags: , , , — spiderwebdesign @ 15:47

A couple of months ago a work colleague showed me a picture at his Macbook. He was on the Lucozade website (no idea why), where they have a page featuring their products. As soon as I saw the picture, we both started laughing hysterically for about ten minutes. Then we continued to snigger for about an hour. After that I was laughing inside for the rest of the day.

Was it just us, or does this look suspiciously like gay porn?

If I had better photoshop skills I’d quite like to doctor this photo a little, but it’s not really necessary; it still suggests a homosexual facial cum shot to me.

Even the slogan sounds charged with innuendo to me: “Whatever you’re packing for, we’ve got it covered…”

I  work a for a direct digital marketing company (or something like that). I think we do websites, mail drops, and campaigns for charities – but I’m really not to sure to be honest. Possibly some of the charities we work for save African babies, and I think another is dedicated to stopping farmers piling bricks up on donkeys. The finer details elude me. Anyway, we have creative briefs where concepts are thrown around before we start any actual work on sites/campaigns. I’m just wondering the thought process that led to the team over at Lucozade deciding a photo mimicking an excited gay receiving a heavy faceful of jizz would be a good way to promote their product?

Even if I’ve got their campaign logic wrong – and there is no gay porn symbolism here – why would anyone want to squirt sticky lucozade in their face. I’d personally opt for the jism instead…

PS. If you’re not sure what “bukake”, I don’t recommend googling it at work…

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